I’m an ISTJ.
For those of you who only see a string of letters, allow me to quickly give you a crash course on MBTI 101.
There are 8 different letters that each represent something, and everyone has four letters. Introvert/Extrovert; Sensing/Intuition; Thinking/Feeling; Judging/Perceiving. These letters then break down into cognitive functions, and mine are Si-Te-Fi-Ne.
Confused yet? I’ll stop there. (though if you’d like a post on the Myers-Briggs typology, I’d love to write up a lengthy post. . .)
Basically, according to my MBTI, I lead with Introverted Sensing. In short, this means I rely on past experiences/memories when perceiving and processing the external world. Even if things are happening in the moment, I’m inclined to link them to the past.
New experiences make me nervous because my memory tells me that new experiences can be scary, painful, and all-around bad.
Making new friendships can be terrifying because my past experience tells me that people (being human) can hurt me and abandon me.
Hopes and dreams are things I dare not indulge in because in the past I’ve been disappointed by things that failed to come to pass.
You get the point. The past cripples me.
Sure, it’s good to have these memories. They’re lessons, and I certainly don’t want to forget them (those who forget history are doomed to repeat it). I also don’t want them to stop me from making better memories.
I tend to dwell on the past. . .a bit too much. Long after other people move on, I’m still caught in speculation and “deep thought” over generally trivial concepts. While a certain amount of thinking is good (and goodness knows the world needs thinkers), too much can be detrimental on so many different levels.
I think people think too much.
But that’s another post for another time.
I’ve recently realised how much the past has crippled me. Sure, I like the melodrama of replaying dramatic points of my life, but I much prefer experiencing happy moments. . .in the moment.
Recently (*whispers* as in “today”), I realised how much better I do mentally, physically, and emotionally, if I allow myself to live “in the moment” instead of “in the past”. I can’t change the past, so why worry about it?
I want to take the lessons I learned and apply them to my life, so I can become a better person.
I want to take my story that’s been written and study it objectively, so I can share it with others and hopefully help others in similar situations.
I don’t want to be so caught up in the past that I don’t allow myself to make new memories with new experiences.
I want to let go of the past- At least the “being caught up in” aspect. Because once I let go, my hands will be open and free for whatever dreams chance my way.
You can’t change the past, but you can affect your future.